Worries...

Why is it that with every little thing people always start to worry about everything? Sure I've quit school twice, but the 2nd time I also picked it back up 3 or so years later and finished it quite well. Sure I was lucky that they allowed me to finish it, but if they hadn't I would've found another way to get something done in my life.
But whenever the tiniest thing happens everyone around me (meaning my mom, dad and girlfriend) always jump to the worst conclusions.

Like for instance I had a conversation with my girlfriend a while ago about the fact that I refuse to change the way I dress just so I can work. I mean, we're already visually oriented enough, what does my appearance (as long as I keep it clean of course) tell you about what I can do? So I wear shirts with bands on them like Iron Maiden, Tool and others and don't wear a suit, does that seriously imply that my knowledge and skill are less then the person standing next to me?
Does my long hair imply that I am a stupid headbanger that wouldn't know the difference between what must be done and what I want to do?
I'm sick of people thinking in such closed minded ways. I still get frustrated when I think about times my parents talked about 'wrong' or 'bad' people or that they're better then others.

Anyway, because of that conversation my girlfriend is now worried that I'm closing myself off from the world again just because I refuse to take a job working at a festival. It's in Belgium, I have trouble understanding Belgians from time to time already and I have even more trouble understanding anyone at all when there is a lot of noise or even people around, so what would happen if I worked there? I'd have to ask every single person 20x what they were saying and by the time I understand them they'd be sick and tired of it and I'd probably be fired anyway. But just because I have those fears and my girlfriend doesn't seem to fully understand them she's thinking that I'm gonna quit school again and close myself off from my friends and everyone around me and hide in my little cave of a room again.

This time it is different, it truly is. First time, high school, was too general, I learned a bit of everything (like everyone does) and nothing that you can actually use for work, just things you can use for learning things to use for work, I didn't enjoy it. Then I was doing something that I liked a little more, IT, but the course I was taking was more paperwork then anything else, there was no challenge and in the end it was only a means to an end. This time around though I am where I want to be, like I said before I finished my 2nd time of school after 3 years or so and this made it possible to actually do what it was that I started that course for in the first place.
Now, even better, they've offered me a chance to get some real programming experience and even though it's tough and I have to study hard, it's very interesting!
So seriously, how big is the chance that I will quit again? I don't even do drugs or drink or even smoke or anything!

Sometimes people should really just be left alone. If you know someone that seems to try hard and gets very annoyed every time you bring their past up, just take a step back and watch it for another day, sometimes we can actually get through things...

Guild Wars asses and assets

I hadn't played Guild Wars in a long time because I was pretty much stuck with not doing anything much.
But 2 days ago I suddenly had an urge to play again, so I did. It was fun, I tried a mission and died and then had to go to bed. Then yesterday I played again and first I tried this mission again, someone asked to join my team so I let him (he wasn't very talkative though). We go through the mission and I'm trying to figure out what he's trying to do, he keeps waiting for something, which I thought was for me to take charge which I refused. He wouldn't say a thing and when we were defeated he immediately left. I apologized to him for being a bad player because I hadn't played in months, but he didn't answer of course.
Now this is a very mellow example but a lot of people who play MMO's are asses. You have the people like him who don't talk to you, expect something from you and then when you don't do what they want you to (because you don't know what it is) they get all frustrated and blame you for collective mistakes.
There's of course also the people who are just oversexed 14-year-olds who go around pretending to rape the female characters. One of them once tried that with my girlfriend's character. We had just gotten through a mission and we were just sitting around and chatting about what to do next when this dude comes up to her (warrior) and starts doing his damn disco-dance to her head. We got into a fight in which I got totally confused who was or wasn't on my side (I think I might've had words with someone who agreed with me too) and eventually he just ran away and the rest of the area was just in unison over what an ass he was. It was kinda fun in the end.
Then there are of course the people who just want one thing from a quest or mission and as soon as they get it just leave.
And of course the rushers, the W/Mos who think they're invincible because they can heal themselves a little. Probably sometimes when I get over-excited I become a rusher too, but usually I try and take it easy.

There are however, also the good people in Guild Wars. Someone from your guild who asks you to help him find a green item, which turns into a fruitless midnight raid of just one character. But always thanking you for what you did.
Or the old newbie who you got playing who you used to treat really badly because his play style didn't conform to your idea of what it was supposed to be (I guess he reminded me too much of what I used to be like?), who you've apologized to and now it's a lot of fun playing together.
There's your blood brother of course, who's nice to pretty much everyone, happens to be the leader of your guild and is just awesome to play with and will never tell you you're bad at anything or even not as good as he is.
And there are just the random people who enjoy playing with others and have fun no matter what happens.

I wish though that in general there were more good people then bad, though most of them probably think they're good people and people like me are bad people...

GOD

Ah the good old days.
I used to admin a forum CoolGamez X and for a while it was fun with the 7 or so of us. But then 2 of us had to leave due to unknown and strange circumstances and it all kind of died for me. I pretty much gave up and abandoned the whole thing.
Until like a year or so later I tried again (for a day) and quit again. Now my good friend Nox13last told me that he wants to try and run it with me looking over his shoulder. So I said, sure go ahead. And ofcourse I'll do whatever it takes short of recruiting to help him and the site.

Talking to him really reminded me of the Good Old Days. but Whatever Is New might also be fun. I hope he gets it going, it would be cool.

So from GOD, to WIN, we'll see what happens...

Internet Legacy

I'm all across the Internet. I have accounts on almost everything I can find. As you can see in my pages panel, I have a last.fm account, I have a site at freewebs, I have my blog here, I have a blog at pownce, I have an anime list at anidb and one at myanimelist.net, I have a TV show list at myepisodes.net, a CD list at both metal archives and one (outdated) list at MP3.com and then there are probably some I can't even remember.
Even though I have all these things, none of them actually get any visits at all. Sure my anime list has had 166 hits (in the, what, 2 years I've been there?), most of them (if not all) are made by myself (changes, lookups, etc). I have some friends on these sites, most of them don't know me though, some rarely visit at all, others never. I have actually, I think, only one person on these sites who added me and I have frequent contact with. And even she is slipping. And ofcourse there is the person who invited me to Pownce, I have a lot of contact with him, mainly because we follow the same .NET course and because whenever I post something he instantly gets to see it on his page and when he posts something I get to see it on mine and I usually reply.
Even as I write this post I know for certain that nobody will read it, so why do I bother?

I guess I'm hoping that one day someone will read it and find it either mildly interesting or highly annoying and comment or something.
Also I like to test stuff out, so websites like del.icio.us hold interest for me in that respect (as do websites like this and pownce and such).

Of course that nobody reads these things or talks to me anywhere is also because I have nothing interesting to say. I also don't know the right people, where I live I only know maybe 3 people who really listen to metal, only 1 of which I speak to, and none of them listen to any of the sub-genres I listen to. My favorite bands are never shared by others around me and things that others like don't hold my interest that much either most of the time.

Though probably the biggest reason I refuse to stop doing these things is that the thing I'm really scared of (I don't know why), is that I will be forgotten... Which I probably will no matter what I do...